When it comes to our intimate lives, many of us feel like a fuzzy bristled dandelion seed floating in the wind. At the whim of the weather, hoping the breeze will deliver us somewhere special. Hoping we will find great connections or maybe a partner if the breeze blows just right.
I hear from folks all the time how they struggle to find intimacy. They do everything that they know how to do and it is not working. Our technological world may appear to be creating great tools that bring us together, but those who spend time on the apps know, they can be simply time wasted down blind alleys. If those are the only options, do we repeat the same actions and hope for a different result?
When it comes to the search for pleasure and intimacy, we can empower ourselves. Instead of waiting to get lucky, we can take charge of our destiny. But to take charge means we need to do something different. To change our mindset, look within and to be willing and able to lead the way.
What would that look like?
One idea is to take the focus away from ourselves as the offer and place it on a shared, short-term embodied game or exercise. Make the invitation a gift of touch or an invitation to learn about Tantra or massage with you as an exercise partner. Even if you only learn one massage idea, playful game or movement ritual, you will have an irresistible invitation that will open many new doors.
COVID has withered many of our social skills. Offering a low-stakes, short term, non-verbal, physical, fun activity to share opens a doorway to connection that bypasses the mind and language. When we connect through the body, we have access to a more generous, open and present part of ourselves.
Of course, it does mean that you learn how to create and hold the experience for yourself and another person. It does mean you are willing and able to do more than meet half-way. In making a greater effort, you are no longer waiting passively. By showing up with skills and generosity of spirit, you are able to call forth the kinds of interactions that may lead to the deeper connections you’re looking for.
When you have something to offer, you are no longer a dandelion seed floating on the wind but a captain of your own ship, now with your navigation set on your greatest pleasures and the treasure of intimacy that has long eluded you on your path.
As a sex and intimacy coach, I draw clients into an authentic conversation about their intimate lives, explore their barriers and help them feel more empowered by creating the pathways to greater pleasure. To create more satisfying sexuality, sensuality and intimacy in their lives.
Feel free to reach out to me if you’d like to explore the idea of working together. I offer a free first time online coaching session. I’d love the chance to learn about you and your intimacy goals.