9 Signs Your Partnership Needs a Sex/Intimacy Coach More Than Talk Therapy
Many couples go to counseling when their relationships have challenges. Talk therapy helps us gain clarity about our problems but when the issues are about touch, pleasure, connection and intimacy there is another approach that can be more effective.
Pleasure is a physical experience. Change in our intimate, sexual lives happens through the body/mind or somatic intelligence.
As long as there is love, trust and hope, the answers to intimacy issues could best be addressed with a sex/intimacy coach.
Here are 9 reasons why a sex/intimacy coach would be better choice when intimacy disconnections arise.
1 Finishing too quickly.
Most men are like dry plants. When we water a dry plant, the water pours straight through. Our sexual energy is like water. Instead of learning how to harvest it and integrate his sexual energy throughout his body, most men release it quickly because they know no other way to engage with it. A sex/intimacy coach can teach him how to harness his sexual energy and circulate it throughout his body. When he does move into erotic play, he has more control, lasts longer and is willing and able to provide more pleasure.
2 A Shared Understanding of Intimacy.
Intimacy, sensuality and sexuality are three different kinds of pleasure. They are separate from one another and completely interwoven. While some of us need to begin with a feeling of intimacy or sensuality, many men only know to start creating pleasure with their genitals. Learning how to navigate the differences between us is key to a happy relationship. An intimacy coach can really help with finding a shared starting point.
3 Performing Like a Porn Star
I think it’s safe to say by now that pornography is not a representation of real intimate encounters and at the same time, it is the biggest teacher of sexuality for men. Beyond the performance elements, the dirty talk and aggressive action are the scripted plot points. Erotic pleasure, at its best, is creative. Learning about sex from pornography is like trading in a blank canvas for a paint by number. When the creative process is restricted by lines drawn by other humans elsewhere, it leaves little room for our own inspirations.
4 Touch doesn’t feel good.
Touch is extension of thought. When touch doesn’t feel good, it’s often because his thoughts are not on board with what his hands are trying to say. Gourmet touch is curious, sensual and intuitive. The secret to better touch is not in his fingers, it is in his mind. And a sex/intimacy coach can help inspire the kind of awareness necessary for intimacy to flow from his thoughts through his hands into your body.
5 Doesn’t know how to read the room.
Let's face it. We can all be a bit oblivious from time to time. When pleasure is flowing there are obvious clues. Equally obvious, there are indicators we things are off track. Working with a sex/intimacy coach can help point out the signs of when to go, stop, pause or check in. We don't know what we don't know and having an independent outside perspective can help your partner become a better lovers without you falling into the roll of a lover and a teacher at the same time. (Not a good combination!)
6 Head is Cut off from the body.
Most of us spend the majority of our time up in our heads. Staring at screens, talking, writing. This is just one mode, one frequency of consciousness. Moving our center of intelligence from our heads down into our bodies isn’t easy, but if we want to feel pleasure and move into intimacy, a sex/intimacy coach can help him make the journey.
7 Disappearing during sex.
When erotic energy begins to rise, so does a fork in the road of time. One road leads to the pleasure in the present moment with our partner. The other road is a time traveling journey to the near future where an orgasm is happening. When we leap ahead in time, we disconnect from our partner. Working with a sex/intimacy coach helps create the awareness around this moment of separation so that the decision whether we stay in the present to continue to give and receive pleasure or whether to push forward into orgasm is a conscious choice. A sex/intimacy coach can help him navigate this moment with you so you feel less abandoned.
8 Creatively Challenged
Not everyone is creative. Asking someone to be creative when they are not, is like asking a chair to dance. Working with a sex/intimacy coach is a great way to help spark his creativity.
Whether to learn some skills or get inspired, a guide with whom he can collaborate and share his ideas can be a great source of new ideas.
9 Lost Mojo
Everyone gets discouraged from time to time. Whether we get bad feedback or feel rejection, our erotic pilot light can go out. Sometimes we need to get in better shape for our swagger to return and sometimes a sex/intimacy coach is just the right kind of friend to help bring the fire back to the bedroom and the warmth back to the heart.